When is giving up the answer.
When is it all too much to take.
How long can one hide.
When does tolerance become insanity.
When will the headaches stop.
When should you lose all hope in normal.
Where should I find hope after all the effort and nothing in return.
I don't know what to do anymore.
The headaches consume me.
The tears eat me.
I'm tired.
And I'm tired of it.
I dread it.
There is no where to hide.
There is no where to turn.
It squashes my tiny dream.
It squashes my drive.
It eats me alive.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
la la life....
So I never really knew how to talk about this. It's whole lot easier to post bits& pieces of updates via facebook, but how do I even start to share the big bump in the road we hit...
The bf had a stomach virus right before he took a vacation. He exercised very hard core, and became very weak/sore. Nothing unusual...until he lost his strength. He couldnt fasten his belt stays. He couldn't put on his shoes. He could barely drive. I thought he was being a baby. He thought he was just sore from his workout. He lost finger strength. I told him that he didn't work out his fingers & it didn't make sense. I was mean enough to get him to go to the doctor. Urgent care sent him home with muscle relaxers & mild pain killers. They told him to come back in two if he didn't improve, but they didn't know what was wrong. Stupid urgent care. Two days & nothing better. The bf had no balance and could hardly drive through town. I was supposed to meet him for lunch, but he told me he couldn't drive through tigertown that he was just going to drive to his moms, which is 45 min. away. He thought if he could get on the rode, he'd be fine. I pitched a fit, and he took himself back to urgent care. They sent him to a neurologist. After an MRI of his back, no slipped disc. After a nerve test, no diagnosis. All they knew was that the nerves in his fingers were weak. They tried to send him to the hospital that Friday. Bf being a boy decided that he wanted to try to get better over the weekend. The weekend went. He fell two days in a row. There is nothing like a 26 guy who can barely walk, can't open car doors or pull on his pants by himself. It was scary, and we thought the worst. On Monday, he was checked into the hospital for a spinal tap and an MRI of his brain. We had to wait. NO diagnosis. It had been a week and no diagnosis. Tuesday morning, he was diagnosed with Guillain-Barre. Bf had to go through three treatments of plasmapheresis. He had tubes going into his chest and it caused a great deal of pain. Guillian-Barre is supposed to be a rare, non contagious syndrome, but he is the fifth officer at his station to be diagnosed with it. The good thing was his case was rather mild in comparison, but it was still a big shock to the flow of life. I can't imagine people
who have to wait months or years for a diagnosis, nor can I imagine people who live their whole lives in the manner we have lived for only a month. It rocked our boat. Right in the middle of trying to build a house, we were hit with this. Thank goodness for our family, most of which isn't blood related. His shift offered great help with the hospital & doctor visits & moral support. My mom cooked and cleaned and helped me out so that I could rest. Also our family helped us with getting our mortgage rolling since he has been out of work for a month. He goes back to tomorrow on light duty, and there is still alot of progress to be made. As of now, he can walk and has started swim to try to gain strength back. His arms and hands are still very week and his muscles atrophied greatly. He has lost 20 lbs. and although his appetite is strong, he has not gained any of it back. It has caused a big strain on both of us and many fights. I finally feel like we are moving back up the hill, and hopefully autumn will prove to be happier times.
I am finally feeling inspired again, and getting an itch to create. I have gotten back out my grey scarf that I started last winter. I have gotten an idea for a christmas present. I am inspired by so many things decorating right now. & my itch to make a quilt is in full force. I can't decide if I should go with it, or wait since I will be moving within the next monthish. Hooray!
Tomorrow, I work all day, & then a date with my favorite twin. Saturday, I work and then a photo excursion with the bestie & hopefully a trip to columbus in search of new paper for an etsy order! People are finally having an interest in my etsy. Of course, it's when I'm busy, busy! but it's what I wanted to attempt, so here I go..& I'm excited for the new business.
That's enough babble for the night.
Monday, September 07, 2009
might as well make the most of this space...
& collect inspiration for my new home
in love with a navy front door
Southern Accents
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